December 31st, 2016 (#1)

I was such a jerk to everyone of my friends in WCHS.

(Excuse my french, please.)

My friends, I’m sorry.
If I could take back every second, I would. I was scared and confused, and I had no reason to leave you all and treat you the way I had.
My apologies.

And, o my, I’m missing California. I wanna go back for my birthday (May 23rd) and go horseback riding or see my family. Or both.

I’m feeling nostalgic, I’ve got a bad case of homesick / lovesick… illness… of sorts… idek.

I’m worried about so much, and I feel like I haven’t got a friend in the world, or in Utah at least.

There’s a girl who just doesn’t like me because I like a dude she likes, and I honestly don’t wanna deal with this crap right now.

I won’t stop being called somebody’s “significant other”, and that’s sweet, but I’m just… I’m not ready. I’m healing wounds opened long ago, and it hurts right now.

I’m still mourning the loss of my biological father, though I hardly knew him. Last night, I got so upset to the point I was up past 12:30am, pouring out to a friend over text, telling her my life story and just sobbing in my bed… I feel horribly alone. And anxious.

Life kinda sucks right now, but it isn’t half as bad as other’s lives. I’m rather blessed.

Just nostalgic for old memories that I can never relive… and a year and a half I wasted.

I’ll learn to get over it and learn to get through it.



2 thoughts on “December 31st, 2016 (#1)

  1. Sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time 😢 Keep your eyes on Jesus, He has your family right where He wants you!

    In all things we continue to pray! Leslie



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