As you may have noticed, I’ve just recently remodeled my entire blog!
and I, myself, have been changed as well (all for the better).
I began struggling, about three weeks ago, when I decided to text one of my friends. Now, it may not seem like a big deal if I text a friend, but it was. This was because he’s a guy, and I’m a girl, and I wasn’t supposed to text guys alone. You see, last year (around this exact same season) i’d made a promise to myself, my parents, and God that I wouldn’t text a guy alone because I could get hurt again like I had before. But dumb, relentless me decided to add my very best friend, Brielle (who wasn’t a very close friend at the time), to the group text because “technically, I wasn’t texting alone: I had another person in the chat.”
So, Brielle obviously felt very uncomfortable (because she had every right to be. Brielle, I apologize again for everything I put you through) around my friend and I when we’d get into deep conversations. Not because it was deep, but because she felt like she wasn’t really welcomed into the conversation (you had every right to be! ~ I’m sorry!). And that she wasn’t. The conversation was intended for my friend and I, but I stuck poor Brielle into the conversation because I needed a third wheel.
So, I began that terrible descent. It was as though I was laying bricks down with every text, creating a division in my reliability and my close relationship with my parents. I began lying about everything, as I once had struggled with before in elementary… and I felt absolutely awful. Not only that, I began texting whilst doing homework (again, I wasn’t supposed to do that either!). That not only affected my credibility, but affected my grades. I began getting really, really bad grades on certain assignments because I was too busy texting my friends to even listen to anything anyone had to say. When I get bad grades, I break down completely. I’d created a small castle to keep my brokenness inside, when I seemed somewhat fine on the outside. I was a dumb, stinky old teenager.
So, I got caught texting by my mom and had to confess that I’d been texting during homework. And then, something happened: she looked through my phone (Mommy, you had every right to as my mother! ~) and saw my many, many texts with my friend. I was confronted with the situation (calmly) and my little castle I’d created came crashing down upon me. I was torn with the words, “if you don’t want to have a relationship with me, then that’s fine,” from my beloved mother. I felt absolutely awful, and dumber than ever. Not only had I almost repeated what happened to me last year, I broke my trust with my parents and almost lost my best friend.
First, I apologized God. He was very quick to forgive me and restore our relationship, and was extremely merciful to me! Next, to my parents. They quickly forgave me and allowed me to decide the punishment: I’d be grounded from my phone for a week. Then, I stopped the closeness I had with my guy friend. It was taking over my life, so it must be stopped immediately. Finally, I talked to Brielle. She expressed to me on how she felt very awkward in the conversation, seeing she felt used and un-belonged. I apologized to Brielle, and I was forgiven with a grace from Jesus that surpasses my understanding. She’s such an incredibly Christ like character that I often forget that she anything but perfection and is a sinner, like me.
Now, here I am, eager for what the week will hold. I was bestowed an honorary position of our Freshman Class Council (right below the President himself), gifted undeserved grace, spoken through by God Himself, blessed with an entire week of anticipation/excitement, and blessed with a forever best friend and “date” to homecoming! (my dear Brielle, I love you my sister!)
God is extremely merciful, especially to those who don’t deserve it! But, that never means we can go off and “do our own thing”. Trust is a valuable blessing that we often take for granted, and we never know we are so blessed until we lose that blessing! I pray that we may continue to see and hear of many more stories about Brielle and I, and pray that we may always glorify God and God alone. Have a blessed autumn, for I hope to see you soon! ~